Never-ending Thoughts

Never-ending Thoughts

My thoughts are many, but fragments;
Each one not making any sense on its own.

Haven’t quite figured out how to put all the pieces together;
Perhaps…no, that would be the easy way out.

Each end looking for a beginning;
Each beginning keeps starting over.

Is it the past merely repeating itself?
Or is it trying to teach a lesson that can’t be learned?

The answer is somewhere between the beginning and the end.

Because the end, ultimately, is death.

Void of Sadism

Void of Sadism

The pain of the Heart
Is the worst for it brings

With it untold amounts of
Uncertain agonies.

There is no relief from
The unanswered longing

For things you cannot know
Your love goes unanswered,

Your pain here and gone
And here again.

Tears of despair,

Of rage,

Of grief.
And see how I am deaf

To your screams.
And you will…
SCREAM

AND SCREAM

AND CRY OUT IN PAIN

NO ONE will answer

Your pleas for release
From this awful agony;

No one can hear you

NO ONE IS LISTENING;

WE are ALL deaf to you.

WE ARE ALL DEAD TO YOU;

And there is nothing
You can do;

Except succumb to the merciless void

Lost Bye

Lost By
Without your smile 

Without your laughter 

It seems I’am at a lost. 

Years go by, and nothings the same 

The cost of losing you is too high 

If only their were someone to blame. 

I know I will be with you one day again 

But until then what will I do I’am at a lost. 

I depend on our memories to get me through 

I look at pictures of you and hear your laugh 

And still I’am at a lost. 

Until we are reunited 

Nothing is as good as it could be 

Without you I’am lost.

Betrayal

Betrayal

She told me she loved me,

She told me she cared.
She promised to help me,

She said she’d always be around.
I guess she’s a liar,

She’s not here anymore.
I hardly ever see her,

She barely comes back.
It used to hurt and it still does.
But I’ve learned to ignore it,

I shut that pain out.
She cheated me a childhood,

She stole from me my normal life.
She told me a thousand lies,

Left me confused by hypocrisy.
I can never forgive her,

My mother the traitor.

I Pretended Not To Notice

I Pretended Not To Notice

I pretended not to notice the color of his eyes;

Or the way he would glance past me when I caught him looking at me.

I pretended not to notice when his eyes promised me the stars.

I pretended not to notice the joy apparent in his eyes

At the sight of his child asleep next to me.

I pretended not to notice when his eyes noticed someone else.

I pretended not to notice the disappointment

In the eyes looking back at me from my mirror.

I pretended not to notice those eyes filled with tears.

I pretended not to notice…..

Because my soul could take no more.

Once

Once
I sit and I wonder. 

I Think and I cry.

How did this happen ?

Someone please tell me why.

Often I did feel you near, 

When you started to slip my head filled with tears.

When they told me the news I shook in fear, 

Fear of living not of dying , 

Fear of joy not of crying, 

Fear of talking not of shouting.

I couldn’t help but remember the joy you bring, 

Brought I should say since now you lay.

Once, a great while ago,

In which this time did not go slow I thought I had you for forever, 

This can no longer be as one trigger is pulled by an absent minded killer 

Cold enough to make anyone shiver.

Because of this I can no longer dream of a family in which I can no longer see.

When I hear your name my mind starts spinning, 

Confusion and hate, 

Life and fate, 

Someone’s love given a day to late , 

Maybe a minute for all we know, 

One life taken just for show ?

What happened that night, 

I wish I knew as the rain began to fall one face turned blue.

One story told,

Before the seasons turned cold. 

Hot summer nights can no longer be,

Do you remember the love you gave to me ?

Tears Within 

Tears Within

Feelings of all kinds

Linger within me, the tears deep

Within reach beyond

Any feeling or expression.

They are there to remind me of my weaknesses, 

My sorrows,

The happiness of life

And the joy it brings.

They arise at times

Out of no where,

For reasons unknown.

They linger, 

All the time deep

Within my spirit

Just waiting for the time

To be needed.

Tears,

Life’s little expression from within

That glistens from without.

Life’s Warm Glow

If you’ve ever seen

A beautiful sunset

Then you know it’s

Not seeing its warmth,

But letting yourself

Dream and feel its glow.

It holds spirits, 

Souls,

Memories that rekindle

Every time you’d find yourself

Drifting away into its

Magnificent glory.

A sunset is nothing

Short of a warm loving

Moment that you forget

About life and its sorrows, 

It’s shortcomings.

It’s there to remind us all

Of life’s treasures

And beauty.

Gone!

In the cold pale morn

Her cold dead lips

She wasn’t in love

She never was

The death that took her was

Excrestionating

Doctors diagnosed

Depression

But that’s not

Why she died

She died

Despair

Loneliness

Because

No one cared

No one called

Her on the phone

She had no one

No one even

Knew where

She lived

At work

She was overlooked

The best in her field

No one

Noticed

Her friends

Shorn

Quit

Of

But

Cared
Or so they called

Themselves

Described her

As

Withdrawn

Quit

Shy

Soft-spoken

Very timid

Around guys

She died

Because

No one

Loved her

Her heart

Broke

Lack of

Affection

One day

From the lack of human contact

She decided

To disappear

What’s the use?

No one cares

She thought

All they do is

Give me abuse

Physical

Mental

Sexual

I get bullied

And harassed

At work some weirdo jerk grabs

The day she

Lack of love

No one noticed

See the empty shell

She was still

Alive to them

My ass

Died from

They didn’t

The distant look

No one realized

Until it was to late

By then she was gone

Gone was her

They didn’t

Realize

In her eyes

In it’s place

Was a blank

Smile

Her laugh

Sonic face

Colder

Being numb inside.
Like the winter cold.

As the season rolls on,

The surface becomes

Colder and harder.

Only when the sun

Changes its tune

Does the surface

Allow warmth

To break through.

Finding the one love

That can heat up that

Heart of stone.

Thaw it out like

A summers day,

Make it turn into a

New season worth

Living and dreaming.

Letting the heart

Learn to feel warmth again.