Never-ending Thoughts

Never-ending Thoughts

My thoughts are many, but fragments;
Each one not making any sense on its own.

Haven’t quite figured out how to put all the pieces together;
Perhaps…no, that would be the easy way out.

Each end looking for a beginning;
Each beginning keeps starting over.

Is it the past merely repeating itself?
Or is it trying to teach a lesson that can’t be learned?

The answer is somewhere between the beginning and the end.

Because the end, ultimately, is death.

consumed

Consumed

 My soul is weary, 

Heart is crying, 

All around me dreams are dying, 

Hope is fading with the wind, 

Trapped within this web of sin. 

Invisible tears stain my soul, 

This loneliness that no one knows, 

I cry within each day and night, 

These broken wings; 

They long for flight. 

Weary and broken I fall to the floor, 

My soul has been raped and it breathes no more, 

I burn in the ashes of my self-inflicted hell, 

Burdens of hate that I fear to unveil, 

I’m a corpse stained red with guilt and shame,

 The angels fail to ease my pain. 

I fear that my faith is wearing thin,

 Consumed by the madness that screams from within…

Loss

When I Woke Up
I woke up to an empty space
That place where I would see your face
The pillow cold, the covers neat
Our big old dog lay at my feet…
…Waiting for me to get up.

I got up to an empty space
I made my coffe in the same old place
Your cup sits empty in the cupboard there
On the counter some breakfast we used to share…
…I cannot eat.

I walked out to an empty space
I drew a smile upon my face
But deep inside my heart would cry
Sometimes so bad I thought I’d die…
…and I do.

 

The Wolfman

The Wolfman

 

The Wolfman comes to me at a full moon.
His whistle is as soft as any tune.
In the dark, you cannot see his face.
When he is gone there is hardly any trace.
His breath is so hot and steaming.
Am I awake or have I been dreaming?
He is gentle yet strong.
In whose world do I belong?
Does he want my blood?
My tears flow like a flood.
The birds are singing up in the trees,
And I’m sure I can hear the humming of bees.
It’s time for the Wolfman to go.
He shakes his head, I scream no!
It’s the coming of dawn,
And my heart is forlorn.

Still

Still I fail to medicate myself
Still I continue to devastate myself
By doing what I know to be a sin
Have I been given a guarantee that in the end
I will Win?

Just because I’m still alive and have an easy living
Doesn’t mean that I’ve been forgiven.
Yes I’m still alive, but how can I expect to survive
Life in the displeasure of Allah?

I say I “love Allah”, but does Allah love me?
Let’s see, just how real is this so-called “Spirituality”
that you profess to possess
But when you’re alone you digress and don’t confess!

Thought that you could fool `em
with that beard And that hijab
Not realizing that at your own heart you have
Taken the deepest stab.

Thought that you could fool them with that thobe
And veil over your face!
How dumb you must have looked in front of the One
Who’s knowledge, hearing and sight penetrate every place!

Why do you feel so secure that Allah is going to forgive you everytime?
Do you really feel secure as you drive home from the scene of your crime?

How do you know the wrath and punishment of Allah isn’t waiting for you around the corner?
Don’t you know that the Angel of Death strikes without A warner?

How long do I think I have to make things right?
By Allah! If I knew the reality of my sins, I couldn’t sleep at night!
Afraid of closing my eyes from fear of dying in my sleep!
Only to wake up in a grave so dark, lonely and deep!

-Who’s your Lord? my own desires…
-Who’s your Prophet? my own desires…
-What’s your religion? following my own desires…
-Well welcome to the Fire! -Welcome to the fire!!

What an awful place to retire!

 

Silence, Emptiness, And Confusion

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of  nothingness
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.
Allah Hafiz

Pain

Pain, pain go away
Please don’t come back another day.
Tears falling down my face
Oh how I wish for his warm embrace.

Wonder if he cares about me.
Wonder if this is suppose to be.
How can he stand there and break my heart
How did we allow us to grow so far apart?
My dreams of us being happy is not gonna come true
All I am feeling is down and blue.Pain, pain go away
Bring me back to another day
Where he loved me

And
We thought we were meant to be.

I will not stop loving you
That much is true
But I will be stronger in time
And not feel so blue.

You will always be in my heart
even when we are apart.
One day I will have that warm embrace
And tears will stop flowing down my face.

Pain, pain go away
Leave me alone, please don’t stay.