Not much sympathy for others or even myself.
Just tired of fighting though it is in me to fight even more.
Smile though your heart is aching,
Smile, though your heart is breaking.
I shall continue to smile,
And even mean it most times.
This is a very acute description of what depression feels like and what it manifests itself as.
J.K. Rowling came up with the Dementor characters during an episode of clinical depression; substitute “Depression” for “Dementors” and you have an apt description:
Depression’s are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them… Get too near Depression and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Depression will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself…soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.
They don’t need walls and water to keep the prisoners in, not when they’re trapped inside their own heads, incapable of a single cheerful thought. Most go mad within weeks.
And, like the infamous Dementor’s Kiss, the depressed person feels:
There’s no chance at all of recovery. You’ll just… exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever…lost.
I am so depressed and despondent
Frustration is a daily occurrence
hopelessness is caused by the mind numbing monotony of boredom
Sleep is elusive and ever fleeting
Dreams are none existent
Life is always in shades of gray
nothing happy ever stays
darkness shadows and ghost haunt the walls of my mind
tormenting me at all hours
always getting in the way
All I can do is fall down and pray
Pray for hope
Pray for strength
Pray for patience
Pray for Allah to show me the way out of this gray