Cold but clear day

Today was cold but clear so after baby girl and little man napped ( while they napped I washed and folded the laundry as well as did other household chores )

Then after children had a snack we went to the park little man riding in his back pack carrier and baby girl walking with her baby doll that I just got all clean .

At the park I chased baby girl around while she ran and ran and kicked her ball we stayed outside until it got to cold and dark then we went into the library and I picked up my holds got some books for baby girl and little man then we went and walked home now it is pitch black I mean what happened to all the street lights it seems the city has turned them all off . Got home and tried to feed baby girl she refused dinner threw a huge melt down and went to bed with a cup of warm milk . I have been posting poems on my blog it will be a while before they are all up I have put the year they were wrote in if I can remember it well that’s all for now I’m off to a hot bath

meltdown in the coffee shop

Yesterday was a rainy day and to get out of the house for a bit I put both children in the double stroller and walked to the coffee shop in a light drizzly rain , Baby girl forgot to bring her baby( a doll that she has decided must go everywhere she goes) she remembered she forgot the baby doll 1 block from the coffee shop then she started fussing about it, Got her calmed down and went into the coffee shop . Coffee shop is very crowded and baby girl starts to fuss because she wants to be served right this minute finally it is our turn to order so I order baby girl a chocolate milk and a cookie for myself I order a small coffee in a large cup as I like to add more milk then coffee with sugar to make sweet , also order a piece of carrot  cake , carrot cake is my favorite type of cake love the way it tastes and the cream cheese frosting is not to sweet , only grip I have is the silly little frosting carrot on top in Orange and green ( I dislike the way food coloring tastes ). Pay for everything and finally find a table and sit down , Baby girl starts fussing because they are taking forever making her chocolate milk the person making the drinks slipped 4 other orders before baby girls then he got upset because she was scream she’s 2 what did he expect!

Well I don’t have to worry about the nasty carrot frosting on my cake baby girl ate it and shared it with little man so now they have a orange and green mouth……………..I share my cake with the babies and when I am done they finally get baby girls chocolate milk  ready she is past mad at the melt down point and when I give her her drink she throws it on the floor making a huge mess , I try to clean it up but her screams are getting louder and louder , one old man comes up and asked baby girl if she’s making all that noise in a very rude voice Baby girl screams so loud she sets off his hearing aide to squealing, Little man he is as calm as can be so I check on him in his seat in  the stroller he is back there eating his sisters cookie ( where’s the camera when you need it?) left the coffee shop  with a screaming child and one covered in cookie crumbs once outside get baby girl calmed down and then because she is so bored at home and the library is finally open go in and get my books on hold let baby girl play the computer in the children’s section then little man is fussing his teeth are bugging him ( he’s cutting at least 4 teeth that I can feel ) so we leave the library and baby girl is screaming she doesn’t want to leave , once we get outside we are fine because now she can run only problem is she keeps falling down and her pants and jacket are all wet because won’t you know it she had to fall into a huge puddle of rain water …………………….got home with a wet and screaming toddler and a fussy little man once in the house I put both children in a warm bath and then feed them a snack and have them lay down little man goes to sleep but baby girl doesn’t she talks to her dolly then gets up and watches cartoons so mommy doesn’t get no rest …………………….Cleaning the house today seemed never ending I’d get one room clean and move to another room clean it and baby girl would unclean the cleaned room in 3 seconds flat………………………………………..

Finally my hubby came home and he’s cranky guess the rainy weather makes everyone cranky I cooked dinner and we ate it then I cleaned up the kitchen and gave the children their evening bath and got them ready for bed maybe tomorrow will be a better day

Cost of toddler temper tantrums

Yesterday was a huge busy day my husband was off so he was home all day and kept telling me how to do my housework which irradiated me to no end I don’t follow him around and tell him how to do his job .

After breakfast we went to the mall (his idea) and went shoe shopping for a toddler 50.00 for shoes yikes ………………………………

Then we took the children to the indoor play ground little man had fun but big girl well she just freaked out it was like sensory overload and she went running every which way and climbing up on everything plus she started hitting other children who wouldn’t get out of her way but the worst part was when we let she came unglued and laid on the floor screaming bloody murder and everyone in the mall was looking at us   , My husband just wanted to give in to big girl’s temper tantrums but I didn’t allow it because it would just make the next one 100 times worse.

I just strapped her into her stroller and wheeled her out of the mall while she was screaming and thrashing around , I just ignored the stares of the other people, little man was in a ergo type carrier on my back asleep as it was his nap time , he is such a calm quite baby and just goes with the flow , the contrast between the two children is huge big girl is always on the go from the crack of dawn until she crashed at bedtime she will try and fight going to sleep . Little man will wake and sleep on a schedule he has been this way since he was born .

Winter boredom

I dislike winter boredom it sets in quickly but takes forever to leave …………………………………

Today was a so-so day not a lot of traffic to and from work which was good job was pretty easy this week yes that’s right I work about once a week cleaning a house for a elderly friend of mine the state pays me .

I dislike the bull chap holiday adds who cares if a store is having a sale they are just trying to make money can’t watch tv because all the adds are driving me up the wall.

Yesterday just about went crazy from being cooped up in the house so I baked a pie and my hubby got upset because I baked the wrong kind of pie well how was I suppose to know he wanted just plain old apple pie and not dutch apple pie he just said make that apple pie you made last time ( last time I made a apple pie it was dutch apple with the crumble mix on top ) I had to scrape off the crumble mix just to make him happy.

Baby girl and little man are going stair crazy due to the cold weather and not being able to play outside hubby went crazy yesterday because he had the whole day off he spent most of it telling me how to do the everyday chores I normally do which just wants to make me scream but instead I just nod my head and do the chores the way I want to do them just as long as the chores are done and done right is my mode .

I need to vent and write I feel like I am slipping into the fog of depression my depression is always worse when the weather is cold cloudy and dark I have had depression since I was a child only when I was young no one talked about it they just said it was one of my moods , All I remember of my moods as a child was sad , lonely and then the black gray fog mood that was the worst it was the one where I would just lay in bed and cry .

I guess I should give everyone a bit of background on my life so they will know where I am coming from …………………………………………………….

Well that will be my next post inshaallah I will provide a bit of background about me


hard day

today was a hard day for me everything hurt and the weather was cold wet windy and cloudy rainy outside both of the babies are fussy due to not being able to go outside little man is teething and not sleeping and baby girl is getting her back teeth the 2 year molars……………………………………….My head ache is worse today am going to try a very hot shower

First post

As Salam Alikum

Here is my first post to a blog ever I will inshaallah be using this blog to help me fight my depression .

Depression is a very hard illness to live with and a lot of people just don’t understand how to deal with someone who has major depression disorders , sometimes your medications will be working fine one minute then the next day bam the depression strikes and you feel so low like your stuck in a deep dark well surrounded in a deep dark thick fog that just creeps all over everything and nothing will bring you joy every single thing is just like a huge chore and getting out of bed is a huge struggle……….well this is my first post will be writing more soon inshaallah