falling down the hole again….

I can feel it all the signs are there I don’t sleep well I feel sad all the time and now I am also not feeling well ……………………………

I have fallen into the hole of depression

I have tried to avoid it but nothing seems to help not really sure who I can talk to about the way I am feeling ………………………………………………………..

So I’ll begin at the beginning this all started on the 17th of the month of June we went to the beach and I was standing in the waves as they crashed into shore standing there.

I was thinking depression is like the waves it crashes up over you and then tries to pull you down in the undertow ,

Depression is the saddest and loneliest illness it has so many symptoms that start out as small nothing .

Aching joints sore bones disturbed sleep then the depression gets worse the next day

I got horrible news a good friend passed away and left me in charge of everything without telling me now

I have people I don’t even know mad at me.

I have to deal with all her stuff and the drama that comes with it I am overwhelmed and the one place I use to look forward to going to every week has became a place that

I am starting to dislike all because of one  person she is being mean to me because I stood up to her .
I feel like I am in quicksand the more

I struggle the faster I sink

I feel alone and have started crying in secret ……………………
I have been skipping meals just not hunger

And even when I am hunger food doesn’t seem to taste good my depression medication has stopped working

I just want to curl up into a tiny ball and cry

consumed

Consumed

 My soul is weary, 

Heart is crying, 

All around me dreams are dying, 

Hope is fading with the wind, 

Trapped within this web of sin. 

Invisible tears stain my soul, 

This loneliness that no one knows, 

I cry within each day and night, 

These broken wings; 

They long for flight. 

Weary and broken I fall to the floor, 

My soul has been raped and it breathes no more, 

I burn in the ashes of my self-inflicted hell, 

Burdens of hate that I fear to unveil, 

I’m a corpse stained red with guilt and shame,

 The angels fail to ease my pain. 

I fear that my faith is wearing thin,

 Consumed by the madness that screams from within…

I want

I WANT LOVE

warm caring hugs sloppy kiss

fast cars long walks to move to new york

Vist Morocco more people to understand Islam

wars to end hunger to be gone

blue skies green pastures

black seas on a starless night

a world where no one FIGHTS

end of DOMESTIC abuse of lies of hate of cheaters of scams

Want to hear children’s LAUGHTER

Watch the sunset sink low as the moon rises

I want compassion to have religions agree to Disagree and RESPECT one and other

NO! I DON’T WANT war

sadness stories women hiding in Shame

I DON’T WANT MEN JUSTIFYING ABUSE AND MISUSE

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR OF RAPE OF PAIN

I DON’T WANT TO SEE THE SHATTERED LOOK

THE LOST SOUL THE WOMEN SO SHATTERED AND BROKEN FROM ABUSE THAT THEY ARE NEVER THE SAME

THE WORLD NEEDS HEALING

THE WORLD NEEDS CARE COMPASSION LOVE UNDERSTANDING COMPASSION HELP

THE WEAK HELP THE POOR WHERE ARE THE HOMELESS TO GO ?

BUILD THEM HOUSES

BUILD THEM HOPE

GIVE THEM A HAND UP NOT A HAND OUT

HELP IS HOW WE CAN FIX THIS PROBLEM

CREATE HOPE

CREATE LOVE UNDERSTANDING

BRING FORTH THE RAINBOW

SPRINKLE IT WITH DEW LIGHT DEWDROPS

FORMING MISTY CLOUDS SPRITZING ACROSS THE SKY

TWINKLING IN FRESHLY RISEN SUNLIGHT

JUST AFTER THE EVENING SHOWERS

BRIGHT FLOWERS POKE UP THEIR FACES

DRINKING IN THE SUNSHINE

DRINKING IN THEIR ENERGY THE NUTRITIOUS

AS THE SOUNDS OF BIRDS TWITTER IN SOFTLY IN THE MORNING AIR

THE SOUND OF A MOTHER SOFTLY WAKING OF YOUNG CHILDREN

TIME TO AWAKE

A NEW DAY

A NEW DAY

HERE’S YOUR BREAKFAST

GREET THE MORNING DAWN WITH PRAYERS!

This is a Letter to Your Beautiful Mind

This is a Letter to Your Beautiful Mind

from the scarf head you glanced at
uneasily as you went past in the street today
as you pretended to take aim and fire
as you scornfully called out go back to Iran or
wherever
how old this is getting
I’d rather write about the sky

response #1: go with your gut, girl

I wear this for fun, actually.
it’s a scarf. deal with it.

response #2: politics and the fine art of the reactionary

no, I’m not oppressed –
not a soldier of wrath – no, I’m not
patriarchy’s last victim –
no, I do have rights –
I’m not a fundamentali –
hey. Hey! I’m talking to you –

response #3: the appeal to intellect through reason

I want someday
to manage the word God in a poem
without committing travesty

response #4: it’s ironic

how what covers my hair
slows traffic
scares boys
stops ultraviolet rays
starts riots

keeps my ears warm in winter.

Allah Wont Ask……

Allah won’t ask what kind of car you drove, but will ask how many people you
drove who didn’t have transportation.

Allah won’t ask what your highest salary was, but will ask if you compromised
your character or morals to obtain that salary.

Allah won’t ask the square footage of your house, but will ask how many
people you welcomed into your home.

Allah won’t ask about the fancy clothes you had in your closet, but will ask
how many of those clothes helped the needy.

Allah won’t ask about your social status, but will ask what kind of class you
displayed.

Allah won’t ask how many material possessions you had, but will ask if they
dictated your life.

Allah won’t ask how much overtime you worked, but will ask if you worked
overtime for your family and loved ones.

Allah won’t ask how many promotions you received, but will ask how you
promoted others.
Allah won’t ask what your job title was, but will ask if you performed your
job to the best of your ability.

Allah won’t ask what you did to help yourself, but will ask what you did to
help others.

Allah won’t ask how many friends you had, but will ask how many people to
whom you were a true friend.

Allah won’t ask what you did to protect your rights, but will ask what you
did to protect the rights of others.

Allah won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived, but will ask how you treated
your neighbors.

Allah won’t ask about the color of your skin, but will ask about the content
of your character.

Allah won’t ask how many times your deeds matched your words, but will ask
how many times they didn’t.

A CRY FOR OUR UMMAH

Here’s to a brother, once one of us
He kept to the faith, good and pious
But where is he now? oh Allah, I beseech
he’s out Friday Night doing drugs on the streets
Did you see it coming, did any of you know?
If you did, did you help him those few years ago?
Now his life is meaningless and bleak
Once a strong brother, now he is weak
Here’s to our sister, once righteous and pure
She prayed and she fasted, her Deen was for sure
Now, at eighteen, she’s no longer chaste
Her inncoent spirit, all gone to waste,
God gave us all eyes for us to see
Yet we each still claim “It will never be me”
And these two from our Ummah once claimed that too
SO..MY Sisters, My brothers,
IT COULD ALWAYS BE YOU

Life Is No Easy Ride

Life was never meant to be an easy ride.It was never meant to be a smooth sail.

The journey in this dunya is expected to be rocky.

The personal battles,

The struggles,

The hardships,

The falls – 

are all part of the tests of this dunya.

But know,

Oh slave of Allah, that too will pass.

For light always follows darkness and ease always enter with hardship,

 followed by another ease, and anticipated rewards.

For did you not hear the words of Allah? 

‘Verily, *with* hardship is ease’?

So keep pushing forward, 

Keep walking even if you can’t see an open door, because Al-Fattah will provide for you from where you didn’t imagine in ways you never expected, through doors you thought were tightly locked.

Your key, is patience. 

Your ultimate weapon, is Dua

And your strength, is in Sujood. 

Your comfort, is in Quran, 

And your ease, is in His remembrance.

For indeed in His remembrance do hearts find true rest and tranquility.

Jummah Mubarak to You and Your Loved Ones.

Remember Me and Mine in your duas in sha Allah ameen.

  
   

 

 

Poem on Allah and our needs

I asked Allah for strength
And Allah gave me difficulties to make me strong
I asked Allah for wisdom
And Allah gave me problems to solve
I asked Allah for prosperity
And Allah gave me brains and brawn to work
I asked Allah for courage
And Allah gave me dangers to overcome
I asked Allah for love
And Allah gave me troubled people to help
I asked Allah for favors
And Allah gave me opportunities
I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I needed
My prayers have been answered

Repeat

I feel sad and empty blue loneliness I desperately deeply despair oh 

I despair 

I despise feelings of sad empty loneliness and despair

I cry secretly and silently, in the deepest darkness of night when all of the others slumber.

In the daylight I deny crying in the night

I movethrough life in a sonic state ,

My life is like ground hogs day over and over again. 

Nothing, changes and everything stays the same.

  

Love

Love

Love is like a box of chocolates,
you can have so much and keep happy for a while then it
shudders like when you get a stomach ache.
Treat love like a poem as I just wrote.