Bipolar

Falling down my cheeks are big fat tears.

All the anguish within my heart,

Is leaking from my eyes.

I Cried despairing my emotions are plain.

To see

Yet they are not even acknowledged.

My moods are elicited, mess of indecision and anxiety concealed.

By a single mask of indifference,

No one seems to care,

Or take the time to know me,

I am adrift in an ocean of fears.

Battling with tides and currents

I have always been fiercely stricken with this affliction.

Doctors have given it labels.

But it is not so neatly labeled and packaged.

My mental health

Is not some random label.

No pills have helped me.

Talking about it won’t make it go away.

Bipolar is here to stay.

Please understand having a mental illness

Is not fun.

It isn’t cool.

And no one understands me and the personal hell.

I have endured all the adversity and stigma of it.

Yet I wake and fight fiercely to make my way.

Through the long darkness

That is thrust.

Upon me

I pray for strength.

And promise to personally forgive all whom betray,

Sorrows Of Lost Tomorrow’s

I am alone, without a voice or vision

I have great sorrows and greater regret in all the missed tomorrows.

Yesterday’s pasts repeat themselves with awful images running through my head.

Clouds blur my eyes,

And I don’t feel well,

my hearts in anguish dark on the round my tears tumble down from above,

Falling

On the ground there isn’t

A thousand new tears.

I have never seen such griefs.

my heart has shattered.

Into a thousand tiny shards of sapphire blue diamond

Cloaked in ruby red stained tears shredded of all my life’s blissful dreams and the hopes of all the days,
Dark midnight blue of storms immense,

In my own eyes

Marriage

Now you will feel no storms,

for each of you will be shelter to the other.

Now you will feel no cold,

for each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now there is no loneliness,

for each of you is companion to the other,

You are two persons,

but there is one life before you, and one home.

Turn together to look at the road you traveled,

to reach this—the hour of your happiness.

It stretches behind you into the past.

Look to the future that lies ahead.

A long and winding, adventure-filled road,

whose every turn means discovery,

new hopes, new joys, new laughter,

and a few shared tears.

May happiness be your companion,

May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead;

And through all the years to come.

Go this day to your dwelling place

and enter into your days together.

May your days be good and long

upon the earth.

Your adventure has just begun!

Unknown Passion

Unknown Passion

A passion unknown

 A heart unread 

A soul unseen 

Let me in I cry 

Let me see,

 Don’t hold back everything 

Why try to hide anything? 

Exsist in me and you’ll see,

 I love you and care for you 

I gave you my life now give me yours

Feelings

Feelings

Feelings are important to everyone,

 But should they be?

 As I sit here,

I am discusted with myself for my feelings. 

They betray who I am. 

We should not allow it to be this way, 

So turn off all emotion and be safe from all hurt and pain. 

There is a downside, 

You will feel no joy or any type of happiness so is it worth it?

Feelings

Feelings

Feelings are important to everyone,

But should they be?

As I sit here,

I am disgusted with myself for my feelings.

They betray who I am.

We should not allow it to be this way,

So turn off all emotion and be safe from all hurt and pain.

There is a downside,

You will feel no joy or any type of happiness so is it worth it?

A Color That Is Me

A color that is me

I want a color that is me

Something different than the normal color sea

I would like to paint my heart a new color

Something different from all the others

A shade darker than most but still as pale as a ghost

Something that is truly me

Not an unfamiliar copy

Something that stands out

Something that is what I’m about

A color that does not exactly match

A color that does not entirely clash

Not a purple,

Green,

Or blue

None of these will do

For I want a color that belongs to me,

One that sings a proud song

I want a hue that is different than you

A hue that is true

A color that is me

Before Her

She snuggled closer to me as she slept in my arms last night.
Milk bubbles were all over the floor and her toothless smile.
Tiny toe squiggles and knee prints are scattered all over the floor
tile.
But I forget everything there ever was before her…

Before her smile.

(written about my daughter)

I stopped writing

I used to picture a little island that would
whisk me away for days.
I should have never stopped writing.
It is what gives me the strength to move on.
I put it aside and carried on.
I used to be scared that someone would find
what I wrote and read it.
So after a while of having a precious
writing I’d rip it up.
I was embarrassed about some of the ways
that I felt, Ashamed.
My paranoid feelings made me put down
My Pen and Pad.
So I stored my emotions in the back of
my head.
Rigorously they built up in my brain
until it was to late to realize.
I held in so much pain.
Only to have my conscience haunt me and
by not writing, delete me.

 

You Know, No

You know,

No
You know,

No
I don’t believe you
I won’t
I can’t
You just aren’t listening
It doesn’t matter now
What I am
It’s too late
So,

No,

Just, no
Stop it,

Stop it,
Just you stop it
I swear if I hear it
I’ll just lose it
I can’t take this
I can’t take it
Just leave me alone
And leave it be
And let it lie
And for the love of God
Let me Die.