Explaining Depression

Slumping in depression and sadness that rocked me to the core.

Reality has hit.

My world isn’t the same everything has changed !

Gone are the rose tinted glasses

Gone is the sprinkling of light rain showers filled with the laughter of children splashing in the puddles.

When I outside all I see is gray fog filled everything in muted colors ,

Like all the colors are washed away and then replaced with gray ,

Gray in varying shades depending on the hour and how I feel sometimes I can escape from the sadness and depression

But it’s usually short lived and it’s getting harder and harder to find ways to not feel so bad

Living life with a chronic recurring mental illness is very lonely and at times isolating, Then there are the times when you want to do things and feel better but nothing seems to actually help,

This is when you just try to survive on good enough yes there are days when good enough is all I can do

Then other days were good enough and plastering on my mask and get through the day until I can go hide away and cry.

15

15 things you probably never knew or thought about….

1. At least five people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least fifteen people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyones would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won’t get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you recieved. Forget the rude remarks.
14. Always tell soemone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Perhaps

 

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed with our tears once in awhile,

So we can see life with a clear view again.”

Ode To Lost Sleep

Sleep fails me more and moreI lay awake tossing and turning, 

My mind unable to quit down  

Staring at the wall and ceiling gets old fast

I dont know what happened and why I cant sleep 

None of the sleep soultions help 

I feel helpless and hopeless 

My mind dwells in darkness of shadowy sadness, 

And unending sorrows

I silently cry tears of fears and sorrows that only I know, 

About noone sees the shadow of my life’s struggles against this thief, 

Bipolar has many mangled sides to it ,watch closely and it will steal everything

Starting with the thoughts of happiness it will replace them with gloom and doom worries about Silly things as well what if if only!

Then your to tired and worried to sleep so you just pass the time and worry and fear eats away 

You peaceful slumber by the time you have figured it out the problem isn’t easily remedy. 

 

Bipolar moods , how I feel

I am agitated beyond anything everything is grating on my nerves And annoying me 

My hurts so much 

Ugh!!

Ugh!! 

My mood is peevish over nothing 

Can one always be defeated by bipolars chemical hell?​ 

I stuggle in the foggy blackish-grey cloak that is bipolar it makes life’s living hellish pains 

Noone else around me understands the silent struggles that go on in my head

I am so sick of people telling me to snap out of it…….

If I could snap out of it i would’ve but bipolar is a illness just like diabetes or heart disease,

It requries treatment and education.

Some people, with bipolar find solutions that work for them 

I havent found anything that works ,

So I muddle through my days as best as I can ! 

 

Prayer

  

Fajr

  

Green Beans With Tomatoes

1 pound green beans stems removed then break in half

1/4 cup oil 

6 peices of garlic chopped 

1 onion sliced

1 can stewed chopped tomatoes 

1 teaspoon cumin

Salt and pepper to taste

Pot of boiling water add green beans and cook 5 minutes then remove from water run under cold water set aside.

Place oil in wok heat to hot add onions and garlic sauté add cumin and salt and pepper add tomatoes and green beans cook for 15 minutes then serve hot or cold  

 

Chicken vegetable Tagine

2 chicken legs and thighs skin removed 2 tablespoons olive oil 

1 teaspoon heaping of ginger

2 teaspoons turmeric 

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon black pepper 

Water as needed

1 onion sliced 

1 kohlrabi peeled and cut into 4 chunks

1 zucchini ends removed and sliced into 4 chunks
To make get tagine pan add oil then onion chicken*

Then take spices mix in small bowl then add to chicken and add water bring to low simmer cook 15 minutes till chicken is soft then add vegetables and cook until tender over low heat watch water so it doesn’t burn add more if needed 

I simmer till very little liquid is left 

Always wash chicken either with lemon juice or vinegar let sit 10 minutes then rinse to remove chicken smell  
 

Breakfast Green Smoothie

Take 8 apples and
3 pears slice into chunks Three stalks of celery

A piece of ginger about 1/2 inch piece 

Run through juicer then add to blender with 

One avocado

Two bananas

Blend  until creamy pour over ice and serve