Never-ending Thoughts

Never-ending Thoughts

My thoughts are many, but fragments;
Each one not making any sense on its own.

Haven’t quite figured out how to put all the pieces together;
Perhaps…no, that would be the easy way out.

Each end looking for a beginning;
Each beginning keeps starting over.

Is it the past merely repeating itself?
Or is it trying to teach a lesson that can’t be learned?

The answer is somewhere between the beginning and the end.

Because the end, ultimately, is death.

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consumed

Consumed

 My soul is weary, 

Heart is crying, 

All around me dreams are dying, 

Hope is fading with the wind, 

Trapped within this web of sin. 

Invisible tears stain my soul, 

This loneliness that no one knows, 

I cry within each day and night, 

These broken wings; 

They long for flight. 

Weary and broken I fall to the floor, 

My soul has been raped and it breathes no more, 

I burn in the ashes of my self-inflicted hell, 

Burdens of hate that I fear to unveil, 

I’m a corpse stained red with guilt and shame,

 The angels fail to ease my pain. 

I fear that my faith is wearing thin,

 Consumed by the madness that screams from within…

Grief

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a person
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A child is stricken and destroyed
There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
the little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray
Emptiness builds a home in this woman
in this girl; this child where hollows have bred
a deepening sea of no-whereness consumes
and eats away at every connecting thread
Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.

Am I Alone?

I get a funny feeling,
It comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
Wanting to go and hide.

My doctor calls it depression,
My Mom says it’s just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
No one will ever be able to see.

Some say I’m psycho,
Some say I’m just weird.
It’s like I’m a different person,
And the old me just disappeared.

I get really edgy,
I want to commit suicide real bad.
Then I get a headache,
Followed by feeling sad.

I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
It will some day.

Repeat 

I feel sad and empty blue loneliness I desperately deeply despair oh 

I despair 

I despise feelings of sad empty loneliness and despair

I cry secretly and silently, in the deepest darkness of night when all of the others slumber.

In the daylight I deny crying in the night

I movethrough life in a sonic state ,

My life is like ground hogs day over and over again. 

Nothing, changes and everything stays the same.

  

Hypo manic mixed state 

skin is antisy and creepy crawling inside with anguish and annoying deep within my soul 

anguished despairing dark deepness of all my life 

depressed despair! filled with grayish green blackness that noone else understands or cares 

its like staring into a abyss and the abyss stares back 

but no matter how deep the abyss is its up to you to jump or not! 

 

Ode To Lost Sleep 

Sleep fails me more and moreI lay awake tossing and turning, 

My mind unable to quit down  

Staring at the wall and ceiling gets old fast

I dont know what happened and why I cant sleep 

None of the sleep soultions help 

I feel helpless and hopeless 

My mind dwells in darkness of shadowy sadness, 

And unending sorrows

I silently cry tears of fears and sorrows that only I know, 

About noone sees the shadow of my life’s struggles against this thief, 

Bipolar has many mangled sides to it ,watch closely and it will steal everything

Starting with the thoughts of happiness it will replace them with gloom and doom worries about Silly things as well what if if only!

Then your to tired and worried to sleep so you just pass the time and worry and fear eats away 

You peaceful slumber by the time you have figured it out the problem isn’t easily remedy.