falling down the hole again….

I can feel it all the signs are there I don’t sleep well I feel sad all the time and now I am also not feeling well ……………………………

I have fallen into the hole of depression

I have tried to avoid it but nothing seems to help not really sure who I can talk to about the way I am feeling ………………………………………………………..

So I’ll begin at the beginning this all started on the 17th of the month of June we went to the beach and I was standing in the waves as they crashed into shore standing there.

I was thinking depression is like the waves it crashes up over you and then tries to pull you down in the undertow ,

Depression is the saddest and loneliest illness it has so many symptoms that start out as small nothing .

Aching joints sore bones disturbed sleep then the depression gets worse the next day

I got horrible news a good friend passed away and left me in charge of everything without telling me now

I have people I don’t even know mad at me.

I have to deal with all her stuff and the drama that comes with it I am overwhelmed and the one place I use to look forward to going to every week has became a place that

I am starting to dislike all because of one  person she is being mean to me because I stood up to her .
I feel like I am in quicksand the more

I struggle the faster I sink

I feel alone and have started crying in secret ……………………
I have been skipping meals just not hunger

And even when I am hunger food doesn’t seem to taste good my depression medication has stopped working

I just want to curl up into a tiny ball and cry

Beyond Comprehension

No one hears me, understands me
I speak in silence
Hoping that someone will see my words,

My message
Hoping to find love, it has arrived so divine
I wish for a stronger, better life
filled with everlasting touch
I dream the future, but hold the past
My body is brimmed with so many confusions
Am I really here experiencing fullness?
I must be, the pain is so real
The hurt I feel could never be imagined
But I will pull through into greatness
And destroy whatever faces into me
As I struggle I will fight until the end
Whenever it may come

Am I Alone?

I get a funny feeling,
It comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
Wanting to go and hide.

My doctor calls it depression,
My Mom says it’s just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
No one will ever be able to see.

Some say I’m psycho,
Some say I’m just weird.
It’s like I’m a different person,
And the old me just disappeared.

I get really edgy,
I want to commit suicide real bad.
Then I get a headache,
Followed by feeling sad.

I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
It will some day.

Edge of Disdain

Somewhere along the way of this journey that someone decided that I was able to travel, I was taught the lesson of disdain. Disdain doesn’t break one’s heart; it doesn’t crush a soul. Rather disdain is so powerful that it takes the very ability to justify one’s own existence and question the probabilities. Being mentally […]

http://thetruthache.com/2016/02/21/edge-of-disdain/

“…feel awkward in our skin”

“In one day, we’re presented with countless opportunities to feel bad about ourselves or to feel awkward in our skin:   caustic coworkers, professional rejection, that stranger who glares at us as we walk down the street for absolutely no reason at all.   Isolated, these moments seem to indicate that there’s something deeply wrong […]

https://clinpsychsite.wordpress.com/2016/02/22/feel-awkward-in-our-skin/

If The Regular People

If the regular people.​ If the regular people truly understood, if they lived in our skins for a day. If they had the severe depression, the eupohric highs. If they had the nausea and weight gain or weight loss from medication, the nightmares, not only from medication, but also from dreams gone by. If they […]

https://bsbblog2010.wordpress.com/2016/02/22/if-the-regular-people/

Boredom is deadly…

I’m starting to think that a lot of depression, for me anyway, is caused by boredom. Although routine is drummed into us as Bipolar patients it is tedious and therefore counter intuitive in a way… I crave adventure, I want new daily experiences and to meet new people regularly, I try distract myself with exercise, […]

http://bipolartohappiness.com/2016/02/10/boredom-is-deadly/