why why why ????????????????????????????????????????

What am I feeling ?

Right now I am feeling sad and overwhelmed , I am not sure if anyone understands how I feel it is kinda like being stuck in mud and slowly you are sinking yet by the time you realize you are stuck you have aready sunk up to your neck and then there is no way for you to get out of the mud .

I have been battling depression and trying to get out from under it it seems like every time I take one step forward it is 3 steps backwards and 2 to the side, this depression is like being lost in a maze full of fog and mirrors ……………………………………………………………………..

I feel like I am failing in my faith somedays I just feel plain stupid so far I only know 1 prayer in arabic .

I don’t feel like part of the muslim community I feel isolated and shunned it seems like all the sisters in this community around me have their own groups they belong to but I don’t belong to any of these groups I do not understand why they feel the need to form cliques …………………………………………………..

I am a outsider alls have been and probly always will be it seems I was born into the wrong time period I have never felt like I fit in anywere I am alway hanging off the edge no one would notice if I went missing ……………………………………………………………………………

I do not belong anywere and no were belongs to me I am a stranger in a stange land struggling to understand all the norms of socity

I don’t feel like I have any true friends , there are people I hang out with and I listen to their problems but I can’t lay out my problems to them , some of these problems are to personal and quite embassering that I don’t even want to say them out loud so I won’t I’ll just leave it at that.

I have reached a point in my life where I do not have dreams , not sure when that happened just realized it did , I lost my passions for enjoying things everything seems stiff and gray the rose colored glasses were broken long ago , all the dreams and hopes for the futrue have gone . I question why am I here what is my purpouse

I am frustarted with my doctor she gave me the dumb run around for 3 days while I was having horrible cramps , what is the point of seeing a doctor if she doesn’t help

I feel so sad and alone all the time , my husband is always off working or sleeping I have to care for the children 24/7 and it is exhausting if I want to take a walk with out the children it leads to a huge argument ( he doesn’t like to watch the children and he doesn’t want to hire a sitter just to give me a break yes I know I am whining I guess it is better than crying .

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