Twisting, turning, racing up and down
Like a ride that never stops
I don’t recall having bought the ticket
No matter, there’s no getting off
The blue ones are for calming me down
The green ones to pick me up
The pink ones because I just can’t sleep
There’s more if that’s not enough
This thing that effects me wherever I am
I pray it doesn’t show
This private Hell that cripples my mind
No chance of letting me go
Sometimes I gather all of my colors
Especially the white
Combined I know they’ll kill the noise
I’ve grown weary of the fight
But then I stop and look around
Such blessings that are mine
My man, my kids, my future hope
They pull me back in line
Although I’m not like I used to be
So many years ago
I’m learning to live with who I’ve become
This woman I’m getting to know
Husband and I don’t share too many vices. He hates shopping, for one. However, we both have an uncontrollable and insatiable craving for freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I came across this less-guiltrecipe on Bethenny’s natural cooking blog. I decided to whip up my own version using what I had in my pantry.
They were delicious, and even husband downed 5 or 6 when they came out of the oven. Read more for the improvised recipe.
1 1/2 cups wheat flour
3/4 cups quick-cooking plain oatmeal
1/2 arrowroot powder
(I keep this on-hand for making natural deodorant)
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup raw sugar
1/3 cups Ghiradelli chocolate chips
1 tsp canola or vegetable oil
1/3 cup skim milk
1 mashed banana
1 tsp molasses
You can compare my ingredients to Bethenny’s, and come up with your own variation.
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THE WOUNDED CHILD
Years ago the child in me was wounded by the world, well-meaning as it was.
The scars of yesterday remain etched on my being, taking their toll on all my days and nights.
Looking back, I can see the errors of those around me.
Little did they know the pain and suffering they would bring me. Now that I am older, I search for that loving, open, child that was.
But she remains in hiding from the pain that today might bring.
I want to set her free, so that my life can be anew.
But to reach her I must look deep into the pain and the past.
She protects herself with games she plays. Games of guilt and anger and fear and resentment.
There is no winner in these games.
For me to be set free, she must be free to act and react, not as the world expects, but as she feels is right.
Those around us may not understand the turmoil and grief I feel for her suffering.
I’m not even sure who she is any more, but I know when she comes forth,
I will love her. For she is the me that I used to be and want to be again. The me that is real.
I have missed her all these years and it is time for her to have her say.
To guide my feelings and growth. It is time for her to set my world aright. She has been gone too long.
I welcome her now to brighten my future and change my ways.
To help me laugh and love again in ways only she knows how. For when she returns, you may not know me.
But that’s okay, for she will love you just the same. she will bring a smile to you face and love to your heart.
I live with people,
I eat with people,
I sleep with hubby BUT I hurt alone -and being honest
I can have my loneliest times when people are around.
How do you know if you’re ready for death?
Man’s greatest fear is death.
I want to know that if I were to die right now what would my death be like?
Would it be painful, would it be pleasurable, would it be sweet?
Here is an answer:
Your death will be exactly as your prayer is to you right now.
Because when you pray salaat what do you do? You go and meet Allah. When you die what happens?
You go and meet Allah. If you dislike meeting Allah while you are in this world in the body, why would you want to meet Allah when you leave the body?
If salaat is sweet to you right now your death would be sweet if you died right now.
If you eagerly wait for salaat, then
when death comes to you, you will eagerly wait to be released from…
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