Black Oblivion

Black Oblivion
Have you ever been so depressed
You stopped crying?
Numb
To the crashing
And all you can do is watch it fall.
Simple pains of everlasting
Black Oblivion.
Dreams-
Sucked away.
No depth exists in an endless sick, dark sea.
Life-
Is meaningless
And now forgotten.
Eternally the Bermuda Triangle.
Once you hit bottom, Rock bottom
There is only one way to go-Up.
Sure! Yeah right!-Face it
There is no surfacing.
I am:
Null-Void-Done.

Never-ending Thoughts

Never-ending Thoughts

My thoughts are many, but fragments;
Each one not making any sense on its own.

Haven’t quite figured out how to put all the pieces together;
Perhaps…no, that would be the easy way out.

Each end looking for a beginning;
Each beginning keeps starting over.

Is it the past merely repeating itself?
Or is it trying to teach a lesson that can’t be learned?

The answer is somewhere between the beginning and the end.

Because the end, ultimately, is death.

consumed

Consumed

 My soul is weary, 

Heart is crying, 

All around me dreams are dying, 

Hope is fading with the wind, 

Trapped within this web of sin. 

Invisible tears stain my soul, 

This loneliness that no one knows, 

I cry within each day and night, 

These broken wings; 

They long for flight. 

Weary and broken I fall to the floor, 

My soul has been raped and it breathes no more, 

I burn in the ashes of my self-inflicted hell, 

Burdens of hate that I fear to unveil, 

I’m a corpse stained red with guilt and shame,

 The angels fail to ease my pain. 

I fear that my faith is wearing thin,

 Consumed by the madness that screams from within…

Loss

When I Woke Up
I woke up to an empty space
That place where I would see your face
The pillow cold, the covers neat
Our big old dog lay at my feet…
…Waiting for me to get up.

I got up to an empty space
I made my coffe in the same old place
Your cup sits empty in the cupboard there
On the counter some breakfast we used to share…
…I cannot eat.

I walked out to an empty space
I drew a smile upon my face
But deep inside my heart would cry
Sometimes so bad I thought I’d die…
…and I do.

 

Silence

Silence

The room is so silent,
The beating of a heart is heard,
The room is so silent,
The ticking of a clock,
Sounds like a nearby bird.

The house is covered
By a silent blanket,
A curse of silence,
Has been poured all over.

The happy times,
Which once occured here,
Now disappread into a
Frightning atmosphere.

Now the silence has been broken,
The tense feeling has gone,
You think silence is relaxing,
Your wrong!!!

Death Not Being The Way

I held the knife so close to my heart.
Like a foolish child I sat and I cried,
Didn’t realize what I had done, what I had tried.
Tears mixed with blood, falling slowly to the ground.
Covered in blood, pulled myself up, in tears scribed:

“To those who don’t care, to those who can’t see,
Never Give up always thrive to be free.”
Didn’t know how many people would later cry.
“Tried to be free, yet I see this isn’t the way.”

Friend at the door, ran as fast as she could.
Too weak to say I’m sorry, otherwise I would.
In tears, looked at the blue sad day.
When you come and see this pool of blood and me,
This isn’t the way my life was meant to be.

Repeat 

I feel sad and empty blue loneliness I desperately deeply despair oh 

I despair 

I despise feelings of sad empty loneliness and despair

I cry secretly and silently, in the deepest darkness of night when all of the others slumber.

In the daylight I deny crying in the night

I movethrough life in a sonic state ,

My life is like ground hogs day over and over again. 

Nothing, changes and everything stays the same.

  

Hypo manic mixed state 

skin is antisy and creepy crawling inside with anguish and annoying deep within my soul 

anguished despairing dark deepness of all my life 

depressed despair! filled with grayish green blackness that noone else understands or cares 

its like staring into a abyss and the abyss stares back 

but no matter how deep the abyss is its up to you to jump or not! 

 

Ode To Lost Sleep 

Sleep fails me more and moreI lay awake tossing and turning, 

My mind unable to quit down  

Staring at the wall and ceiling gets old fast

I dont know what happened and why I cant sleep 

None of the sleep soultions help 

I feel helpless and hopeless 

My mind dwells in darkness of shadowy sadness, 

And unending sorrows

I silently cry tears of fears and sorrows that only I know, 

About noone sees the shadow of my life’s struggles against this thief, 

Bipolar has many mangled sides to it ,watch closely and it will steal everything

Starting with the thoughts of happiness it will replace them with gloom and doom worries about Silly things as well what if if only!

Then your to tired and worried to sleep so you just pass the time and worry and fear eats away 

You peaceful slumber by the time you have figured it out the problem isn’t easily remedy.