Have you ever been so depressed
You stopped crying?
To the crashing
And all you can do is watch it fall.
Simple pains of everlasting
No depth exists in an endless sick, dark sea.
And now forgotten.
Eternally the Bermuda Triangle.
Once you hit bottom, Rock bottom
There is only one way to go-Up.
Sure! Yeah right!-Face it
There is no surfacing.
My thoughts are many, but fragments;
Each one not making any sense on its own.
Haven’t quite figured out how to put all the pieces together;
Perhaps…no, that would be the easy way out.
Each end looking for a beginning;
Each beginning keeps starting over.
Is it the past merely repeating itself?
Or is it trying to teach a lesson that can’t be learned?
The answer is somewhere between the beginning and the end.
Because the end, ultimately, is death.
When I Woke Up
I woke up to an empty space
That place where I would see your face
The pillow cold, the covers neat
Our big old dog lay at my feet…
…Waiting for me to get up.
I got up to an empty space
I made my coffe in the same old place
Your cup sits empty in the cupboard there
On the counter some breakfast we used to share…
…I cannot eat.
I walked out to an empty space
I drew a smile upon my face
But deep inside my heart would cry
Sometimes so bad I thought I’d die…
…and I do.
I held the knife so close to my heart.
Like a foolish child I sat and I cried,
Didn’t realize what I had done, what I had tried.
Tears mixed with blood, falling slowly to the ground.
Covered in blood, pulled myself up, in tears scribed:
“To those who don’t care, to those who can’t see,
Never Give up always thrive to be free.”
Didn’t know how many people would later cry.
“Tried to be free, yet I see this isn’t the way.”
Friend at the door, ran as fast as she could.
Too weak to say I’m sorry, otherwise I would.
In tears, looked at the blue sad day.
When you come and see this pool of blood and me,
This isn’t the way my life was meant to be.
Yeah happiness ever beyond reach
I have no inner feelings
Pain to bear
I’m beginning to dought
I’m beginning to think that
There is No Love
Because No one show’s it
I feel sad and empty blue loneliness I desperately deeply despair oh
I despise feelings of sad empty loneliness and despair
I cry secretly and silently, in the deepest darkness of night when all of the others slumber.
In the daylight I deny crying in the night
I movethrough life in a sonic state ,
My life is like ground hogs day over and over again.
Nothing, changes and everything stays the same.
skin is antisy and creepy crawling inside with anguish and annoying deep within my soul
anguished despairing dark deepness of all my life
depressed despair! filled with grayish green blackness that noone else understands or cares
its like staring into a abyss and the abyss stares back
but no matter how deep the abyss is its up to you to jump or not!
Sleep fails me more and moreI lay awake tossing and turning,
My mind unable to quit down
Staring at the wall and ceiling gets old fast
I dont know what happened and why I cant sleep
None of the sleep soultions help
I feel helpless and hopeless
My mind dwells in darkness of shadowy sadness,
And unending sorrows
I silently cry tears of fears and sorrows that only I know,
About noone sees the shadow of my life’s struggles against this thief,
Bipolar has many mangled sides to it ,watch closely and it will steal everything
Starting with the thoughts of happiness it will replace them with gloom and doom worries about Silly things as well what if if only!
Then your to tired and worried to sleep so you just pass the time and worry and fear eats away
You peaceful slumber by the time you have figured it out the problem isn’t easily remedy.