Black Oblivion

Black Oblivion
Have you ever been so depressed
You stopped crying?
Numb
To the crashing
And all you can do is watch it fall.
Simple pains of everlasting
Black Oblivion.
Dreams-
Sucked away.
No depth exists in an endless sick, dark sea.
Life-
Is meaningless
And now forgotten.
Eternally the Bermuda Triangle.
Once you hit bottom, Rock bottom
There is only one way to go-Up.
Sure! Yeah right!-Face it
There is no surfacing.
I am:
Null-Void-Done.

Gone!

In the cold pale morn

Her cold dead lips

She wasn’t in love

She never was

The death that took her was

Excrestionating

Doctors diagnosed

Depression

But that’s not

Why she died

She died

Despair

Loneliness

Because

No one cared

No one called

Her on the phone

She had no one

No one even

Knew where

She lived

At work

She was overlooked

The best in her field

No one

Noticed

Her friends

Shorn

Quit

Of

But

Cared
Or so they called

Themselves

Described her

As

Withdrawn

Quit

Shy

Soft-spoken

Very timid

Around guys

She died

Because

No one

Loved her

Her heart

Broke

Lack of

Affection

One day

From the lack of human contact

She decided

To disappear

What’s the use?

No one cares

She thought

All they do is

Give me abuse

Physical

Mental

Sexual

I get bullied

And harassed

At work some weirdo jerk grabs

The day she

Lack of love

No one noticed

See the empty shell

She was still

Alive to them

My ass

Died from

They didn’t

The distant look

No one realized

Until it was to late

By then she was gone

Gone was her

They didn’t

Realize

In her eyes

In it’s place

Was a blank

Smile

Her laugh

Sonic face

Loss

When I Woke Up
I woke up to an empty space
That place where I would see your face
The pillow cold, the covers neat
Our big old dog lay at my feet…
…Waiting for me to get up.

I got up to an empty space
I made my coffe in the same old place
Your cup sits empty in the cupboard there
On the counter some breakfast we used to share…
…I cannot eat.

I walked out to an empty space
I drew a smile upon my face
But deep inside my heart would cry
Sometimes so bad I thought I’d die…
…and I do.

 

Never-ending Thoughts

My thoughts are many, but fragments;
Each one not making any sense on its own.

Haven’t quite figured out how to put all the pieces together;
Perhaps…no, that would be the easy way out.

Each end looking for a beginning;
Each beginning keeps starting over.

Is it the past merely repeating itself?
Or is it trying to teach a lesson that can’t be learned?

The answer is somewhere between the beginning and the end.

Because the end, ultimately, is death

.

Hell Is Real

La ilaha illal lahu Muhammadur rasulul lah

Hell Is Real

I went into my classroom,

Ready for another year at school,

I didn’t want the work,

Just wanted to hang and be cool.

I had on new clothes,

New sneaks on my feet,

I was there for class on time,

Went to the back and took my seat.

Yeah, I’m moving up,

I’m already grown,

Soon I’ll be graduating,

And out on my own.

I talked to some of my friends,

We were all having fun,

Said some things I shouldn’t have said,

Did stuff I shouldn’t have done.

I knew I was different,

I felt God touch my heart,

I knew I should set a standard,

But then I’d be set apart.

Walking to the bus,

I was not looking for strength,

I heard the car tires screeching,

But now it’s too late.

I’m standing in this room,

And I can see the heavenly gate,

Oh no! I never prayed,

I thought I had time to get it straight.

An angel walked to me,

He had a book in his hand,

I knew it was the Book of Life,

When would this dream end?

I told him my name,

And he began to look,

then he looked at me sadly and said,

Your name is not in this book.

Angel, this is a dream,

No, I can’t be dead!

He closed the book and turned away,

He whispered-You cannot proceed ahead.

No…no this can’t be real,

Angel, you can’t turn me away,

Let me talk to God,

Maybe he’ll let me stay.

He led me to the gate,

Allah came to me,

He did not let me in but said,

Beloved what is your need?

Allah, I cried, please,

Don’t cast me away from you,

Tears ran down my face as he said,

You knew what you needed to do.

Lord, please I’m young,

I never thought I would die,

I thought I’d have plenty of time,

Death caught me by surprise.

Lord, I went to mosque,

Please Allah, I believe,

He said you would not accept me,

My love you would not receive.

Lord, there were too many hypocrites,

they weren’t being true,

He took a step back and asked,

What does that have to do with you?

Lord, my family claimed to be saved,

They weren’t real, you know

I fell to my knees crying to him,

Lord, I planned to be real tomorrow,

I couldn’t make Him understand,

I had never–felt such sorrow.

Then it hit me hard, I said,

Lord, where will I go?

He looked into my eyes and said,

My child you already know.

Please Allah, I begged,

The place is so hot,

He whispered, DEPART FROM ME, I KNOW YOU NOT.

Lord, you’re supposed to love,

How can you send me to damnation?

He replied, with your mouth you said you loved me,

But each day you rejected my salvation.

With that in an instant,

Day turned into night,

I never knew such torture could be,

Now too late, I know the Quran is right.

If I can tell you anything,

Hell has no age,

It is a place of torture,

Separated from God and full of rage.

You know, I thought it was funny–a joke,

But this one thing is true,

If you never accept Allah

HELL IS WAITING FOR YOU!

So please, ask Him into your heart

Please show this to everyone you care about(which should be

everybody)

Grief

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a person

It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture

A child is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
the little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
in this girl; this child where hollows have bred
a deepening sea of no-whereness consumes
and eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.

10 Celebrities with Depression, Bipolar Disorder, or Both — Therese Borchard

Whenever I hit a depression rut, where I feel disabled by the illness and therefore pathetic for being brought to my knees by a bunch of thoughts, it helps me to review celebrities — esteemed politicians, actors, musicians, comedians, astronauts, writers, and athletes — that I admire from both the past and present who have…

via 10 Celebrities with Depression, Bipolar Disorder, or Both — Therese Borchard

Life’s a Prison

Life is a prison,
Oh God let me out.
No one to listen,
To hear when you shout.

Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it don’t matter,
There’s no one to care.

Used to wish for a window,
To see birds, trees and sky,
But you’re better without one –
Stops you aiming too high.

Watching freedom is painful,
For those locked away.
Seeing joy, love and happiness,
Another price that you pay.

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Cell walls built by society,
With rules to adhere.
If you breach the acceptable,
You had better beware.

Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don’t let on that you’re not,
What you’re pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

Leaving naught but a shell,
Base functionality too.
But killing all else,
That was uniquely you.

So how do you grow,
With a time bomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?

You can’t.

Silence, Emptiness, And Confusion

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of  nothingness
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.
Allah Hafiz

Darkness

I’m swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
And I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
And I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won’t let go of its hold on me
And I slowly begin to give in
To the feeling that lies below the water line
The waters start to fill my lungs
The lungs that once held so much life
Yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn’t lead to happiness
But why doesn’t someone grab my hand
Pull me from darkness’ grasp?
Because no one knows I stand at the boundary
The boundary between light and dark
So I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
That I once held in my heart
can’t save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
Undetected by the occupants of that world
I don’t want to fight anymore
I’ve given into darkness