Never-ending Thoughts

Never-ending Thoughts

My thoughts are many, but fragments;
Each one not making any sense on its own.

Haven’t quite figured out how to put all the pieces together;
Perhaps…no, that would be the easy way out.

Each end looking for a beginning;
Each beginning keeps starting over.

Is it the past merely repeating itself?
Or is it trying to teach a lesson that can’t be learned?

The answer is somewhere between the beginning and the end.

Because the end, ultimately, is death.

Silence, Emptiness, And Confusion

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of  nothingness
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.
Allah Hafiz

Hypo manic mixed state 

skin is antisy and creepy crawling inside with anguish and annoying deep within my soul 

anguished despairing dark deepness of all my life 

depressed despair! filled with grayish green blackness that noone else understands or cares 

its like staring into a abyss and the abyss stares back 

but no matter how deep the abyss is its up to you to jump or not! 

 

Feeling of depressed mind rambles on

waiting patiently within these walls 

mind numbly bored hopeless drowning in utter despair 

depressingly  desperate despair washed over me again underneath 

this mask of uncertainty can’t even breath heartache head ache body pains 

foggy minds lossing sleep again its obsolete, underneath my masquerade 

of indifference surrounding myself in nothingness

when will these feelings go away?​ 

where is the light wonder of life and magical 

sunshine of happiness,