Sleep fails me more and moreI lay awake tossing and turning,
My mind unable to quit down
Staring at the wall and ceiling gets old fast
I dont know what happened and why I cant sleep
None of the sleep soultions help
I feel helpless and hopeless
My mind dwells in darkness of shadowy sadness,
And unending sorrows
I silently cry tears of fears and sorrows that only I know,
About noone sees the shadow of my life’s struggles against this thief,
Bipolar has many mangled sides to it ,watch closely and it will steal everything
Starting with the thoughts of happiness it will replace them with gloom and doom worries about Silly things as well what if if only!
Then your to tired and worried to sleep so you just pass the time and worry and fear eats away
You peaceful slumber by the time you have figured it out the problem isn’t easily remedy.
I am agitated beyond anything everything is grating on my nerves And annoying me
My hurts so much
My mood is peevish over nothing
Can one always be defeated by bipolars chemical hell?
I stuggle in the foggy blackish-grey cloak that is bipolar it makes life’s living hellish pains
Noone else around me understands the silent struggles that go on in my head
I am so sick of people telling me to snap out of it…….
If I could snap out of it i would’ve but bipolar is a illness just like diabetes or heart disease,
It requries treatment and education.
Some people, with bipolar find solutions that work for them
I havent found anything that works ,
So I muddle through my days as best as I can !
You see her standing there
The blank sonic look on her face
You ask her what is wrong
She replies I’m fine
When in reality she is in pain
She hides the pain and hurt no one sees it
She cries herself to sleep
In the morning she struggles her day
She has given up on ever finding a friend
She silently prays that the pain will end
She has battled this demon that people call loneliness and depression she don’t know when
No one understands and care how she feels
She silently Prays that Allah will grant her relief
She feels isolated from the muslim community never really fitting in anywhere
Mostly she stays to herself , best thing you could do to help her is reach out offer to have tea or just talk loneliness hurts more than you know
Please do not judge her she is trying her best to survive taking it one day at a time
Kindness and caring go along way so does saying as salam alikum sister how are you doing and actually listening because under the softly spoken I’m fine there is a catch and pause in her voice and the look in her eyes cries I’m not ok please hug me and let me know I’m not alone!
But most of the time it is ignored and she just suffers in silence alone as always
As Salam Alikum Readers
I haven’t really been blogging much just haven’t felt that well been dealing with stomach pains and sleeplessness , extreme fatigue with dizziness as well as having most of my hair fall out in a very short amount of time, have seen a doctor and she’s stumped sending me to dermatology in sha Allah on Thursday . My mood hasn’t been that great but I mange to make it through the days nights are harder I try to sleep but it doesn’t happen so I read books .
Should You Have Kids If You’re Depressed?“Were you frightened to have children with your history of suicidal depression?” a young woman asked me the other day. “Did you have to stop medication while you were pregnant?” In the last ten years writing about mental health issues, these two questions keep surfacing, especially among young women who dream of pushing a baby…
Depression, Not Medication, Kills Creativity“My favorite escapes from depression are meds and writing,” says Diana Spechler in a New York Times opinion piece. “But I can’t do both at once.” Friends have been forwarding to me her columns in the “Going Off” series, which chronicles her attempt to wean off the medications she takes for depression, anxiety, and insomnia.…
waiting patiently within these walls
mind numbly bored hopeless drowning in utter despair
depressingly desperate despair washed over me again underneath
this mask of uncertainty can’t even breath heartache head ache body pains
foggy minds lossing sleep again its obsolete, underneath my masquerade
of indifference surrounding myself in nothingness
when will these feelings go away?
where is the light wonder of life and magical
sunshine of happiness,
I dislike it when people say oh you’ll be depressed where ever you live , well that might be true because I have a mood disorder my brain is wired differently just because I get upset about a issue doesn’t mean it’s my mood I can be upset and feel without it affecting my current mood .
Belittling how I feel at the moment doesn’t help me it just frustrates and annoys me.
Telling me I can’t do something because I have bipolar or depression or whatever label you want to call it isn’t fair to me as a person
Would you tell a person with a medical problem to stick it out without treatment? Or that living somewhere that makes them truly unhappy is healthy for them?
I dislike having bipolar it is hard and exhausting , you never know when your mood will change sometimes it changes for no reason at all. Other times there are indicators that your mood is changing sometimes you never even see it at all.
The bored can make you feel more depressed nobody understands this like I do.
Unfortunately, depression never goes away
Sometimes it seems toget better but other times it rears its cruel despair and drags you down into those dark, foggy distance with all the pain and despair crept into my dreams then engulfed me again.
I can’t help that I suffer through years of it most people in my life belittle and mock me because of depression like it is my fault, I thought educating them would help them understand but all they do is ignore me and disregard what I say and how I feel.
Do my feelings and wishes and plans not even matter?
What is the point of it all?
I suffer in silnce now noone cares
I spend my nights silently crying till I cant cry anymore
I spend my days just trying to not cry in front of anyone
I paste on a mask of stoicism slipped from time to time.
I haven’t been writing
have had writers block on top of feeling
hopelesly deeply depressed
I despair being deeply depressed it distresses me
I wouldn’t want anyone to have to suffer through this dark tunnel filled with various shades of velvety grays of foggy mindnumbing depression
that deprives of all other emotions
like being stucked into a vortex without a way out.