Her Fight

She’s trying to keep that courage To show the world she’s as fierce Doesn’t hurt, whatever the damage Because she’s a fighter without tears Her struggle is hers to keep Broken vows and broken hearts Her scars are beyond skin deep From them she can never part Inside, where only she can see She knows […]

https://reflectionsofataalibah.wordpress.com/2015/09/14/her-fight/

Feeling of depressed mind rambles on

waiting patiently within these walls 

mind numbly bored hopeless drowning in utter despair 

depressingly  desperate despair washed over me again underneath 

this mask of uncertainty can’t even breath heartache head ache body pains 

foggy minds lossing sleep again its obsolete, underneath my masquerade 

of indifference surrounding myself in nothingness

when will these feelings go away?​ 

where is the light wonder of life and magical 

sunshine of happiness,

  

Depression rant 

I dislike it when people say oh you’ll be depressed where ever you live , well that might be true because I have a mood disorder my brain is wired differently just because I get upset about a issue doesn’t mean it’s my mood I can be upset and feel without it affecting my current mood .

Belittling how I feel at the moment doesn’t help me it just frustrates and annoys me.

Telling me I can’t do something because I have bipolar or depression or whatever label you want to call it isn’t fair to me as a person 

Would you tell a person with a medical problem to stick it out without treatment? Or that living somewhere that makes them truly unhappy is healthy for them? 

I dislike having bipolar it is hard and exhausting , you never know when your mood will change sometimes it changes for no reason at all. Other times there are indicators that your mood is changing sometimes you never even see it at all.

The bored  can make you feel more depressed nobody understands this like I do.

 

  

 

Depression Rears 

I haven’t been writing 

have had writers block on top of feeling 

hopelesly deeply depressed

I despair being deeply depressed it distresses me

I wouldn’t  want anyone to have to suffer through this dark tunnel filled with various shades of velvety grays of foggy mindnumbing depression 

that deprives of all other emotions 

like being stucked into a vortex without a way out.

  

Surrounded by Depressed Fog

I weep my heart out 

no one cares

slowly I have fallen 

down into the gray blackness of

despair 

anguishing for hours 

can barely left my head 

dragging  myself through the days 

I  paste  on a mask and hope none sees through

my pain is always bubbling up, just beneath; 

never rising  

I hide the tears and fears 

depression slowly pulls me down 

lower  than the darkest hour 

I cry out to Allah to give me relief from the never ending battle

I am bone weary how much longer must I fight against this losing battle 

I have fought for years and nothing ever changes 

the struggles of depression makes me forget how to smile or laugh

I feel like a big damp cold colorless fog holds onto me