Shadow!

Shadow

I am your shadow
You can hear my footsteps
Echoing softly behind you
Sometimes I may glance at your fiery eyes
Evanescently…
But it’s rare that I’m ahead of you
I walk many steps behind
Because I’ve fallen
And no one was there to help me up
So I walk in humble silence
Ideally my footprint fits into yours
And lest you turn around
And throw a careless glance
At the earth that you tread upon
You won’t see any trace of my footprints
Because you’re too wrapped up
In your own thoughts; oblivious to me
One day my footsteps will overlap yours
And you’ll realize it
And you’ll be my shadow

Sinking into Shadow

I saw the maiden’s 
Silvery hair, her eyes like 
Rubies shone brighter in 
The night than the sun 
Then I knew the voice 
That called so softly 
To my soul had taken over 
What was never my own 
And who am I to deny 
The beauty of a perfect 
Heavenly paradise to 
Those who lie down 
To happily die and who 
Was I to warn them anyway 
I just ran away today 
Crying, weeping, and never 
Never sleeping as the screams 
Of past and future haemorrhage 
Inside me, killing me so lovely

Bipolar and Suicide in the news

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Well bipolar is in the news again and it is being liked with a famous actor he struggled with depression/bipolar along with addition most of his life and in a moment of hopelessness he decided to end his life so now its a hot trending topic .pray

I remember watching the movie What Dreams may come and feeling very sad it touched a raw spot that I haven’t talked about much , My father killed himself when I was 15 and then a year and 6 months later my uncle (mother’s brother ) also killed himself , after it happened no one really talked about how they felt or anything it was just lets move on and forget no counseling or therapy my mom didn’t believe in it . It took me years to seek and accept that yes I have a mental illness and no I can not change that! I now choose to deal with my moods through prayer to Allah , journaling , Mood tracking ( here’s the tracker I use http://www.moodtracker.com). Diet I have eliminated junk foods and most processed foods as well as sodas from my diet  excising I usually walk and talking about how I feel. One thing I have learned is if it works use it if it don’t stop wasting time on it and find something that works.salah

 

Came across this quote in regards to Robin Williams and had to share.

“Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don’t kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, “He fought so hard.” And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.” – Sally Brampton

what dreams

 As a survivor of suicide myself,( yes I did try once in my life and it failed and was so very painful) I can assure you … when you reach the state of belief that the world would be a better place without YOU in it — the movement to attempt is not selfish. It is lonely. And numb. And of a completely diseased mindset.
100’s of people I have talked with who are either suicide survivors or family/friends who have been affected/effected by suicide, one thing rings truer than true. The ones who commit suicide are not narcissistic. A narcissist would not hurt themselves. These folk are not self-absorbed. They do not even remotely like themselves, let alone think of themselves as better than or above all. When one reaches the place of actually acting on the taking of their life … they are alone. In their mind, in their heart, in their soul…they are alone. And they truly think the world would be better — without them in it.

The craziest part of all of this is that MOST people who struggle with deep depression hide it from the world with humor. With ‘normalcy.’ We go about our day to day and we hide in our darkness. We bury it because it is not pretty or culturally acceptable.

The problems all start getting worse when they are all bottled up one needs to express how they feel even if it’s like crap, blah’s or in so much pain just talking about it can help as can medication and routines people need to pull their heads out of the sand and start taking bipolar, depression , sadness call it what you will like a serious disease and treating it as such if it was treated like a heart attack there would be a plan of how to treat and mange the risks.

Routines , diet, excise , medications and therapy , support groups , mood tracking and religion all have a place in fighting bipolar 10259232_10152472378868755_6481177094529623212_o

 

 

Bipolar Word Salad

I am an empty shell yet no one can tell , they cannot see this hell I am in . I can tell no one it is hard to describe I am just a empty shell.

My heart feels very heavy and tired all the time , I am battling depression and it is exhausting . I feel like a old cranky creaky lady there is only gloom and doom ! Why is my brain broken?

Depression…….well…..It’s weird …. is and isn’t here , Depression is sneaky!

I am blah today I feel off haven’t been sleeping well all I do is toss and turn I need to feel better.

I am Gone

I have no song

I feel sad and bad

I have been gone for so long

But

No one notices me

I am a shell of my former self

I am in hell

I suffer in silence

I want to scream but can’t

I don’t have any dreams it seems like I am just a shell get me out of this hell.

Depression is Blah it Sucks!

I have no song it has been so long gone

I have no voice it’s gone so long ago

I am just a shadow that no one sees

I am here for I don’t know why just alone am I.