Bipolar and Suicide in the news


Well bipolar is in the news again and it is being liked with a famous actor he struggled with depression/bipolar along with addition most of his life and in a moment of hopelessness he decided to end his life so now its a hot trending topic .pray

I remember watching the movie What Dreams may come and feeling very sad it touched a raw spot that I haven’t talked about much , My father killed himself when I was 15 and then a year and 6 months later my uncle (mother’s brother ) also killed himself , after it happened no one really talked about how they felt or anything it was just lets move on and forget no counseling or therapy my mom didn’t believe in it . It took me years to seek and accept that yes I have a mental illness and no I can not change that! I now choose to deal with my moods through prayer to Allah , journaling , Mood tracking ( here’s the tracker I use Diet I have eliminated junk foods and most processed foods as well as sodas from my diet  excising I usually walk and talking about how I feel. One thing I have learned is if it works use it if it don’t stop wasting time on it and find something that works.salah


Came across this quote in regards to Robin Williams and had to share.

“Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don’t kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, “He fought so hard.” And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.” – Sally Brampton

what dreams

 As a survivor of suicide myself,( yes I did try once in my life and it failed and was so very painful) I can assure you … when you reach the state of belief that the world would be a better place without YOU in it — the movement to attempt is not selfish. It is lonely. And numb. And of a completely diseased mindset.
100’s of people I have talked with who are either suicide survivors or family/friends who have been affected/effected by suicide, one thing rings truer than true. The ones who commit suicide are not narcissistic. A narcissist would not hurt themselves. These folk are not self-absorbed. They do not even remotely like themselves, let alone think of themselves as better than or above all. When one reaches the place of actually acting on the taking of their life … they are alone. In their mind, in their heart, in their soul…they are alone. And they truly think the world would be better — without them in it.

The craziest part of all of this is that MOST people who struggle with deep depression hide it from the world with humor. With ‘normalcy.’ We go about our day to day and we hide in our darkness. We bury it because it is not pretty or culturally acceptable.

The problems all start getting worse when they are all bottled up one needs to express how they feel even if it’s like crap, blah’s or in so much pain just talking about it can help as can medication and routines people need to pull their heads out of the sand and start taking bipolar, depression , sadness call it what you will like a serious disease and treating it as such if it was treated like a heart attack there would be a plan of how to treat and mange the risks.

Routines , diet, excise , medications and therapy , support groups , mood tracking and religion all have a place in fighting bipolar 10259232_10152472378868755_6481177094529623212_o



Sick while aboard

I am in a foreign country and that is nice yes its’ nice here but it is getting super boring I mean come on I won’t break if I do a chore or two since I have been here I have been treated like I am sickly well I might have some weird Moroccan virus but so does other people and they live here so stop treating me like I am going to break ( aka my hubby)

I have slept so much since I’ve got here that I can’t sleep anymore sometimes I just come up to my room and lay down  just to escape the stares and the talk yes I know that my hubby is making fun of me in a foreign language I’m not stupid just because I have bipolar and dyslexia doesn’t mean I can’t learn it just means that my brain learns differently the one thing about a dyslexic brain is once I finally learn something it sticks and I do not forget it , also just because I can’t pronounce the words does not mean that I don’t understand them also I am very good at reading body language .


I will admit that I have been having a bit of trouble with the bipolar since I had to stop the medications but I have been managing the symptoms to the best of my abilities so far so good it is very hard feeling fine one minute then the next feeling so down and exhausted and sad the next right now I am in what’s called a mixed state both manic and depressed all mixed up like in a blender fine and scrubbing the bathroom clean and shiny then half a hour later hiding in the darkened bedroom and trying to quietly cry and make sure that my eyes don’t get all puffy and red .

Come to find out that my hubby’s family has bipolar in it ( I talked to his sister we used Google translation to bridge the gap and what french I know yes I know mine is mostly food related but what the hay use whatever works ) I like hubby’s Sister a lot she is very nice and she always calls hubby on his crap yes hubby has been pulling some crap lately like yesterday we went to the weekly market and were just looking well he looked everytime I looked he was like no good lets go hello you wouldn’t know good if it bit you on the ass yes I told this to hubby and his sister asked him what I said so he translated and she just laughed and then let into him for being so rudeImage