I Pretended Not To Notice

I Pretended Not To Notice

I pretended not to notice the color
Of his eyes; or the way he would
Glance past me when I caught him
Looking at me.
I pretended not to notice when his eyes
Promised me the stars.
I pretended not to notice the joy
Apparent in his eyes at the sight of
His child asleep next to me.I pretended not to notice when his eyes
Noticed someone else.

I pretended not to notice the
Disappointment in the eyes looking
Back at me from my mirror.

I pretended not to notice those eyes
Filled with tears.

I pretended not to notice…..

Because my
Soul could take no more.

Pain

Heartbreak is
Cold cruel gut wrenching
My stomach is in knots
My heart is bleeding red blood
As tears slowly well up……

Then tumble-down my face
Stop the pain !

Stop the pain!
I silently pray to Allah
I ask him

Why me!!

Why now must I always be in pain
My mind is numb

My heart no long feels,

It has been ripped out
Or stabbed with the invisible knife ,

That only I know and see
I silently beg for relief

I pray to Allah to care for my soul

Copyright ©2005 

Blue Is…

Blue Is…

Blue is the ocean
Blue is the sky
Blue are the tear drops
People have cried.
Blue is a rain storm
Blue is a flavor
Blue is a summertime,
Moments I savior
Blue is a friendship
Blue is a feeling
A broken heart
That’s just begun healing
Blue is the earth
Blue are the stars
Blue’s all around us
This whole world of ours
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Crying

Crying

Silently she screams
Running from glowing hope
Sinking back into the mire
She allows to steal her soul.
She grasps the bedrails
Violently looking behind her
At the nothingness
She has birthed with her fear.
A memory attacks her
And her tears flow
At the absurdity of
Fleeing from happiness.
She dries her tears
And paints her smile
Conditions her laugh
And glances in the mirror.
No one hears her silent cries.

Eyes

I see your puppy dog eyes,
They are buried
In my vision.
No one can take that away.
Your smile which used to bring me so much
Joy is still embedded in my mind,
Heart,
And soul.
I twisted your dreads only to
Realize that I had no skills whatsoever to
Even attempt to do that.
But you allowed me too.
Your teeth, your tummy, and your feet.
Please, the memories are still vivid.
No one can change those memories.
They are forever a part of me.
The love that I once felt could never be replaced,
Years later finding out that it never could.
We bought so much pain into each other’s life.
I’m sad for the choices that I made.
I wish I knew what I had back then.
I’m sorry for ever causing you any pain and I hope the
feeling is mutual.
You were an angel for me at times.
I couldn’t fully return that for you because I didn’t know how.

I stopped writing

I stopped writing

I used to picture a little island that would
whisk me away for days.
I should have never stopped writing.
It is what gives me the strength to move on.
I put it aside and carried on.
I used to be scared that someone would find
what I wrote and read it.
So after a while of having a precious
writing I’d rip it up.
I was embarrassed about some of the ways
that I felt, Ashamed.
My paranoid feelings made me put down
My Pen and Pad.
So I stored my emotions in the back of
my head.
Rigorously they built up in my brain
until it was to late to realize.
I held in so much pain.
Only to have my conscience haunt me and
by not writing, delete me.
 

Forever Not Yours

Forever Not Yours

Your presence graces my dreams
I reach for you as you drift away
Your stare is full of comfort,
So peaceful
I find solace in your arms
I sit on the windowsill,
Writing
Anticipating your embrace,
Your soft smile
Yet I am jaded in your love
I am left behind in the dust
I cannot get up to run away
Your love shackles me,
It’s a weight tied
So heavy around my ankles
It prevents me from running
But my acidic tears burn the shackles away
And I am free once again
I will not succumb to your sweet imprisonment
I will not surrender to your pacifying touch
I will not be enticed by your corruptive love
I will not be broken again
 

Nothing is easy, until God makes it easy…

They say with time it gets easier but sometimes it really doesn’t. The realisation of what’s lost becomes more evident. The memories replay over & over. The temporary distractions stop working & the reality of the situation sets in. A big hole. And we as humans need that hole to be filled.  And you know […]

https://curioushearts.wordpress.com/2016/05/20/nothing-is-easy-until-god-makes-it-easy/

Broken Heart

Broken Heart

You broke my heart,
Tore it in two,
Then lied even more.You broke my heart,
Said you still loved me,
Then went for my enemy.
You broke my heart,
Told me you liked her,
Then said you didn’t love me anymore.You broke my heart,
I told you…

I still loved you,
Then you said you never loved me.