bipolar poem

So… bi polar is our ‘thing’,
It has a certain ‘ring’,
It makes me mad,
It makes me sad,
But also makes me sing…

It makes me want to bleed,
..Mostly out of need,
So use a knife,
Improve my life,
…inside I’m still not freed.
I chase everyone away,
God forbid they ever stay.
Make a wife???
…I have no life…!!
Alone is the only way.

I found a group online,
Supporting lives like mine.
I have made new friends,
No bitter ends,
You all have all my time.

Without you in my life,
I wont make a decent wife.
I will use my knife,
And end my strife,
Reach things beyond our time.

For this hour I’m feeling cheery,
Had the urge to post this rhyme,
So far less of the dreary
I find u all sublime…
Bi polar, plus all the others,
= everything my life covers!..

Averse Reactions and weight gain

As salam alikum

I haven’t written in a while to be honest I have had a lot going on and just haven’t had the time to catch my breath let alone write so here’s a brief update :

I tried a IUD ( form of birth control with hormones) and in the 3 months I had it I gained 21 pounds Yes 21 pounds and I’ve had a long period over 4 weeks long it made me feel blah cranky and all around horrible so on the 27th I had it removed and my body decided to get revenge on me I still have a period and very bad cramps ( checked with doctor and she said total normal some times I want to scream…………………………

My toddler is still bouncing off the walls and messing up the house as soon as I get it clean .

 

FAT

OK lets try this post again yes this will be the second time I’ve tried writing this post

I haven’t been in a bloggy mood I have been fighting with depression , depression is hard and mine has been kicking my butt to be quite honest

Being depressed sucks it is like walking around wearing glasses that make everything look gray and then there is the physical effects of depression

either I am sleeping too much ( if I get the chance during the day , or I sleep to little , like stay up all night watching TV then there’s the issues with food

during the day I don’t feel hungry but in order to avoid having a argument with my husband about not eating I force myself to eat when I have zero appetite

then there is those darn weird as cravings for starchy foods like bread and sugar filled     baked goods don’t get me started on the ice cream I know I eat to much ice cream and other stuff that falls in the less than good for you section of foods .

It doesn’t help that my husband has pointed out that I gained weight in the last 3 days he has said that to me 9 times what is he trying to pick a fight? Does he want me to feel bad about myself ? Well I know I gained weight to be honest I gained back all the weight I had lost which makes me feel bad I don’t need someone else pointing it out to me  , what I need is some support and some place were I can work out without having to worry about the children getting into trouble or making a mess .

Walking as excise just isn’t cutting it I need to add something else to help me lose the weight and keep it off maybe I need to add a spinning class and swimming boy do I miss swimming it is a nice feeling of floating in water not worrying about your joints taking a pounding it gentle stretches and works out your muscles.

It feels good to just write and not worry about it getting it all out on paper is a relief …………………………………………….

I should set some goals for myself

Goal number 1 drink more water and less juice ,

will keep you updated with the goals and how they are going  .

well that’s all for now