I sit here and think should I do it again
Feel the numbness through my body
Watch the blood seep through my veins out my skin
Should I?
Or shouldn’t I?
That’s the question
What if I go to far this time
What if I do it to much
I would do it to feel the numbness run through me
Oh I want the chill to run through my spine to just feel that numb again
I know I can’t, when I think I want to
I know I can’t, I don’t want them to cry
I don’t want myself to rut in the ground
I don’t want this to end
But if only I could feel the numbness again

Az-Zuhd by Ibnul Qayyim Al-Jawzeeyah

Zuhd  means to abstain from this world to gain closeness to Allaah. A beautiful pdf specially for me because I felt like I have been consumed by this world and it caused great distress. I needed to be focusing on the Akhirah and not the pleasure of this dunya. This book has tremendously opened my […]

Edge of Disdain

Somewhere along the way of this journey that someone decided that I was able to travel, I was taught the lesson of disdain. Disdain doesn’t break one’s heart; it doesn’t crush a soul. Rather disdain is so powerful that it takes the very ability to justify one’s own existence and question the probabilities. Being mentally […]

“…feel awkward in our skin”

“In one day, we’re presented with countless opportunities to feel bad about ourselves or to feel awkward in our skin:   caustic coworkers, professional rejection, that stranger who glares at us as we walk down the street for absolutely no reason at all.   Isolated, these moments seem to indicate that there’s something deeply wrong […]

If The Regular People

If the regular people.​ If the regular people truly understood, if they lived in our skins for a day. If they had the severe depression, the eupohric highs. If they had the nausea and weight gain or weight loss from medication, the nightmares, not only from medication, but also from dreams gone by. If they […]

Analogy of Depression for the nondepressed

I wrote this post a while ago and decided to re-blog it as I have been having to explain to people how I feel a lot . Why is it so hard for some people to understand depression is hard


I thought of an analogy that might help to explain the experience of someone suffering with depression and anxiety to someone who has never felt this and cannot understand it.**** Warning, could possibly be triggering for some people *******
Music is actually helpful for many of us, but we could ask someone to imagine a situation where the sound of any music – any music at all, no matter what the genre – was painful to hear. The background music in the supermarket, in the shopping mall, in the doctor’s office, at the gas station, in the elevator, everywhere – what if it literally HURT to hear any kind of music? We don’t necessarily notice how often there is music playing in the background in public places. And yet, this person must still go grocery shopping and try to do all of the normal things while the music that is…

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