You know I found that , Depression is rage turned inward .
Most people don’t recognize that .

This did not happen over night , and I fell off the wagon a number of times I can tell you . You see as bipolar , we tend to see the world as either ” black or white ” no grey , either all good or all bad . Its the extremes that define the condition right ?

I started looking at things , carefully and delayed my reaction to things ( Its really hard at times , when you are caught in the moment and the emotion ) I started
looking for the grey ,

I found it a little at a time . Sometimes , I found that things well they sucked , but at the same time it wasn’t the worst thing in the world sometimes they were in fact ” life altering bad ”
There were times where I just gave myself ” permission ” to feel bad like this past year .

I didn’t beat myself up over feeling bad . On the thought of ” suicidal ” thoughts ” this is controversial I know . But when I felt like I wanted to give up . I suggested this to “others as well ” I forced my self to ” visualize my funeral and my family and friends ” at my funeral .