I looked in the mirror and I saw faces staring back at me
First I saw the one who inspires me
then i saw the one who doubts me
I saw the one who comforts me and the one who brings me down
I saw the one loves me and the one who despises me
I saw the one who laughs and the one who cries
i saw the one who is courageous as a lion and the one a timid as a lamb .
I saw the one who angers me and the one who makes me laugh .
I saw the one who didn’t think I could do it and then I saw the one who knew I would .
I looked in the mirror , I saw them all I blinked and then I saw only me .
Sadness gave over to rage, rage spiraled quickly into despair
It’s an important part of your journey. After you have had several tantrums, flung yourself down in defeated despair, attempted to medicate yourself out of the feelings you are having, and perhaps just withdrawn into your “safe place” of feeling nothing at all…you may (or may not) finally realize that you *have* to figure this out. The situation may seem like a prison cell with no outlet, and it may seem that someone else, someone who does not have anything good in store for you, holds the keys and all the power over your life.
You know I found that , Depression is rage turned inward .
Most people don’t recognize that .
This did not happen over night , and I fell off the wagon a number of times I can tell you . You see as bipolar , we tend to see the world as either ” black or white ” no grey , either all good or all bad . Its the extremes that define the condition right ?
I started looking at things , carefully and delayed my reaction to things ( Its really hard at times , when you are caught in the moment and the emotion ) I started
looking for the grey ,
I found it a little at a time . Sometimes , I found that things well they sucked , but at the same time it wasn’t the worst thing in the world sometimes they were in fact ” life altering bad ”
There were times where I just gave myself ” permission ” to feel bad like this past year .
I didn’t beat myself up over feeling bad . On the thought of ” suicidal ” thoughts ” this is controversial I know . But when I felt like I wanted to give up . I suggested this to “others as well ” I forced my self to ” visualize my funeral and my family and friends ” at my funeral .
When a comment starts to hurt me
and the hurt seems deep and long
I take out my Emotional Raincoat
and simply put it on.
It always fits me perfectly
do warm, so close, so snug
wrapping me in its coziness
like a firm, yet gentle, hug.
Protecting me from sadness
and anger that I may feel
chasing away all traces of it
leaving me completely healed.
Some days I wear it often
and some days not at all,
but it’s nice to know I have it
when worries come to call.
For, people can only hurt us
if we allow them to
’cause we have a strength more powerful
than hurtful people do.
So wear our Emotional Raincoat
proudly from time to time.
And if you haven’t got one
then, here, please borrow mine…