where is the one to help with depression and hopelessness ?

Imagewhere is the ayah when you need it how do you quite the negative voices in your head why oh why is life so hard why ? It seems all I do is cry and hope to die yes I know one should be afraid of death but when one is so depressed that life is just so painful and hard death looks easy one is washed wrapped and placed into the ground for a dirt nap as some say. I need some inspiration and motivation I feel like I am stuck in this quicksand of muck all I see around me is blah darkness it is to the point I can’t even pray my mind gets so distracted and jumbled that I forget the words or start thinking about some totally unrelated topic how am I going to get out of this deep dark sticky hole of depression sadness, anger self loathing doubt . Am I the only one who feels this way  am I the only hopeless depressed lonely person ? What is the point of bipolar? why do I have to be one of those that medications don’t work