Random depression/bipolar thoughts


My depression takes on a mind of its own,and proceeds to sweep away the remnants of my shattered heart  The fog has Descended thick dark confussing as well as painful sitting in my balcony, the sunset just went away, I hate the dark, it reminds me of the end, like the grave it’s dark and cold, full of loneliness :

It slowly creeps up and sucks all the joy happiness and feeling out of you , you do not realize it .

Depression is different from sadness.
Depression consumes you until there is nothing left to feel all you feel is blank your happy and joy are sucked out and everything feels gray and foggy.

In the midst of my depression, every event, every duty, every change was taken in by my despairing mind as a personal attack.  A thing to be suffered.  Another thing to survive.
Depression is insidious. It seeps into your skin and settles into your bones where its impossible to grasp or understand transparent yet dense, like a fog rolling in  everywhere and nowhere
A paralysis that spreads like fire, coursing through your body along your circulatory system so that every cell is affected. Infected. The worst kind of resistant infection, because death from depression is slow. Painfully, achingly, patiently slow, no one even realizes what you are going through .

Depression is a loneliness.
I always felt alone. I hid my emotions away from the world. I smiled like nothing is wrong but my tears kept me company every night.
It’s uncontrollable. An uncontrollable pain. I was so numb to everything around me. I suppose it was my body reflex action to what I was experiencing. I choose to not want to feel anything. I detach myself. I only choose to cry. How can I stop this heavy blanket of shit from falling all over me. I tried to so mindfulness. I tried to focus my thoughts onto something else, but got pulled under before it even made a different.

2 thoughts on “Random depression/bipolar thoughts

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