Ramadan has passed in a fog of depression

as salam alikum all :

I haven’t been a good blogger in fact I have been kinda self centered yes I was selfish I will admit to that,

also I have been struggling with DEPRESSION yes having DEPRESSION is very hard and it just plain old sucks  !

Some of the things I feel when I am depressed are isolated even though I live in a city full of people yes one can feel isolated and still be surrounded by people it is more common than one knows .

Stuck and sinking are other feeling one might have , detached and drifting .

One doesn’t ask to be depressed depression is sneaky it will start out small and one may not notice how or were the feelings come from , some people get depression from stuff that’s happened to them and other people inherit it from their families .

I think my depression comes from a mix mostly though it has been inherited from my family passed down like a great heavy burden .

Depression is a lonely illness not everyone understands what it’s like to have it and other people try to be helpful but give terrible advice like oh you can just snap out of being depressed , or my all time favorite is depression is a choice just move on ( this is when I want to slap the person who said this ! a choice do you also get to choose your genes? no some people are born with a genetic link to depression and they never choose this it just was so do not say just snap out of it).

I spend all of my Ramadan this year in the deep dark foggy bog of depression to explain to someone who has never experienced depression what it feels like it’s actually really hard to describe I will try my best this is how I experience depression :

I am in the middle of a sandy boggy place it is isolating all around is gray silver fog it’s hard to see through it I can hear people talking to me but at this point I am so exhausted from the struggle of moving through the boggy sand it is like quicksand the faster I move the deeper I sink !

Talking about it only does so much some days I can shake off the feelings and have what most would call a good day then there are the really bad days the days where nothing seems to help those are the days I dread !

a bad day is like having to do everything in super slow motion with your whole body sore and aching like you spent the whole night running a big race ………………………………….

Depression starts out small like I feel blah blue one can feel this way for a while and not realize that they are falling into the deep dark rabbit hole off depression yes it is like falling down a hole where up and down are confused one’s feeling become numbed where one doesn’t feel joy , happiness, excitement or hope 

depressions favorite feelings are self doubt , anger ,rage, and loneliness once those feelings set in it is so easy for one to start isolating themselves and make excuses to avoid going out with friends and family once that starts then other not good habits start like not returning friends and families phone calls , skipping appointments and not eating right not sleeping right .

What I have learned about depression is that there are many causes most are small and sneaky !

Some things will help pull a person out of depression and other things will not help a person at all , I say if it works keep doing it if it doesn’t work toss it out and try something new.

The things that I have tried that work for me are

PRAYER TO ALLAH

Taking medication

Keeping a journal

Having a schedule   and sticking to it as best as I can , some days are better than other days

Talking about how I feel and finding helpful blogs to read about dealing with depression this blogs has helped me a lot

http://www.morningwind.org/

http://thenazexperience.wordpress.com/2011/09/21/surviving-life/

and a few others but I can’t find them now will inshaallah post them when I find them

and be easy on yourself you are only human and humans make mistakes live and learn , Always pray to Allah for strength and mercy

Hope is within reach with Prayers to Allah